in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
