so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
