I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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