well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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