I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
