My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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