im drinking this country out of the recession.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
