have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
