I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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