It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
