You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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