My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
