Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
