I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
