he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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