Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
