My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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