I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
