She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
