So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just had sex bonerless
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
