I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
