fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want a musical about memes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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