I only kidnapped one of them. chill
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
