Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
