I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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