are you still at the devil's house?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
