Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
