Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
