No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?