guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she pinky promised me she was 18
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
