i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.