just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...