i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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