Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
