I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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