This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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