I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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