did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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