I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Randomize
