Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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