Having a random hookup so left but love u
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
