do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
