Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
3 2 1 whiskey
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
