I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
