i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You ate ashes out of my bong
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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