I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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