I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
