My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
