Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
