i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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