"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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