Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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