I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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