she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
