franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
