OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
