is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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