if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
