We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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