Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
