I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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