Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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