I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
