This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
