conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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