Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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