I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
