porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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