Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
