piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
