my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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