drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
