dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
