I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
