its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
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I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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