I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
