He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
