so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
